Employed to Serve – Norwich Waterfront 19.5.22
It’s a beautiful, balmy night in Norwich and a cheeky little wander up to the Waterfront promises a great showpiece for three hotly anticipated metal bands. A quick mince upstairs is slowed only by the venue’s trademark adhesive flooring and there is just time to clock a brave soul who seems to be wearing slippers. Strong choice. Anyway…
ACID THRONE
The first thumpy stabs of Sacrifice set the tone for an incessantly doom-drenched set from Norwich newbies Acid Throne and oofty do they stab nicely. Chris’s’s’s cavernous vocals sound great although are often lost among the fuzzy Sabbath-shagging riffage. Certainly, this is a band that is establishing a clear identity - the Eastern-tinged instrumental thrum of Confess you Sins elicits a sea of approving nods and OH MY JEFFERYS did I want the ending chug of Forgotten Realms to kick into double time post-drum fill but alas my loins were girded thanks to the band’s staunch adherence to the altar of doom. Despite the band’s metronome not being challenged, they were hypnotically engaging and my attention was only briefly drawn away to note that the dude in slippers looked like 80s-era Weird Al Yankovic. Fact.
BURNER
One of South London’s newest offerings to the metal gods, Burner, begin by incredibly politely asking the crowd to step forwards. A sizeable chunk of equally polite souls oblige before instantly having their stanky nips scorched off with a blast of frenetic fret action reminiscent of a Jane Doe-era Converge. It’s an exhilarating start that doesn’t let up at all. Apart from the narcoleptic that is in charge of the lights, the energy on stage is palpable. As the guitarist’s head jerks spasmodically, the lead singer – who I can’t stop thinking looks a lot like Alex Shikolai (Slaughter to Prevail) - stalks the stage, punching the air and strangling the mic while tearing the lead across his puffed out chest. It’s a seismic performance that is juxtaposed with brilliantly timid post-song murmurings about how there is “no place for dictators in the modern world” – cute. Meanwhile, Weird Al is blasting away like a bloody beast. Aside from how in sweet Jesus’s jebend those lusty loafers are coping with the flurries of double bass, the carefully constructed kit is threatening to cease its own existence. Somehow it resolves to cling to life despite its stand’s protestations. Then comes the second revelation of the evening as they announce that this is only their fifth show…what the actual fuck. There is a buzz about Burner that on this showing is well warranted – check them ooot!
The set is understandably built on songs from their latest release and you can imagine many will remain such is their immediacy. The Mistake incites a circle pit and We Don’t Need You sounds like it’s been around for ages. Mark of the Grave and Twist the Blade both hit harder than a double-ended dildo being wielded by Brian Blessed and Sun up to Sun Down’s pendulous riff even has the sound tech getting his noggin involved.
The conclusion to Employed to Serve’s excellent set is greeted by another rabid bout of “the clap” (insert winky face emoji) and a sense that this calibre of tasty tunes is going to carry the Woking collective far.
Now, time to tap up Bezos for a two pint cup and some slippers…
The five piece are pushing the waterfront’s small studio stage to its limits and clearly enjoying the tangible seal of approval for their recent output – even if they are trying to avoid accidentally bludgeoning their bandmates with their music utensils. Singers Justine and Sammy grin incessantly while Nathan, the barrel-chested bassist, nonchalantly conducts affairs, swaying menacingly and daring the crowd not to get involved.
A flurry of activity ensues as the stage is prepared for the final act:
Water is liberally dished out – it’s important to stay hydrated kids.
Weird Al has taken his cymbals – you only get one pair of feet kids.
Sound check to the Outhere Brothers – always reply with “Wayoh” kids.
A quick dart to the beverage vendor reveals that an ABSOLUTE PRO has rocked up with their own two pint cup…that they proceed to fill with one pint of booze…erm…ok. I’ve only turned my back for a few minutes but as I return triumphantly brandishing my plastic chalice of coke something unthinkable has occurred. Weird Al is on stage. He is fettling a rather sexy translucent red drum kit. Meticulously arranging it before sitting down on the stoo……no way. He’s…he’s a fucking drummer?!
EMPLOYED TO SERVE
The initial chimes of Universal Chokehold ring out and the amount of keratine on stage increases exponentially as Employed to Serve emerge to rapturous hand on hand sexy time – or applause as you may know it. Drums kick in. The sonic swell crests, pitches, pauses. The audience are wound like a “schlenky” - it has been half a year since ‘The Conjuring’ was released to widespread acclaim and when the intro to its opening track finally explodes, all hell breaks loose.
Waves of people smash into one another, a precious Red Stripe goes flying and the guy in front of me nearly ends up needing to call 111 for advice on a cracked clavicle. As the moshing intensifies, the unmistakable citrus hints of body odour waft around the room – it’s important to look after your personal hygiene kids.